Back to Singapore

It's been awhile since I last mustered the strength (or rather discipline :P) to blog. 5 weeks into the new academic year, life is as stressful and hectic as always. Unfinished tutorials, due projects, lectures skipped, and what not. Alas, lifestyles of the slack and lazy. Nonetheless, my world has changed since I last blogged.

As many of you now know, I've finally set foot into the world of companionship and togetherness, although togetherness isn't exactly what we're experiencing at the moment. I'll come to that shortly :)

Towards the end of the previous academic year, I found myself growing very fond of this particular girl back home. I never knew I could connect with somebody so well and often, we found ourselves chatting into the wee hours of the morning. There were days when all I could look forward to was to chat with her. Then it suddenly dawned on me. Why am I longing so much for her? Is this what I think it is? Had I fallen for her? Goodness knows.

When I went back for the holidays, I decided to tell her how I felt. It took every single ounce of courage I had. A million questions raced through my head. How will she reply? Does she feel the same way? What would be of our friendship? What if she said no? How could I face her then? If she were to say yes, it'll be a long distance relationship. What then? I had no answer for all those questions, but one thing was for sure; I needed to tell her how I felt.

The answer she gave (or lack of one) sent me into panic mode. I didn't know how to react. "She's gonna say no, dude", I thought. In an effort to salvage what was now an awkward relationship, I told her to brush it off, saying it was nothing but a 'spur of the moment'. I didn't know what else to do.

The months that followed were truly the hardest I had to endure. Being around her all the time in church, around other friends, and we even had to organize a camp together. It was both joy and pain with a pinch of awkwardness. I found joy in being close to her and also pain in suppressing my feelings. "We're just friends" became some sort of a daily mantra I had to recite to myself.

To be honest, I was actually looking forward to coming back after the holidays, or rather, looking forward to getting away. I've had enough, enough of pretending not to like her, enough of being close to her, but not having her, enough. It all had to end. I figured that a new academic year is what I needed to get over her, to start afresh, to finally be sane again.

The night before I left was probably the most eventful and the highlight of my entire vacation. The girl I went head over heels for finally told me how she felt, how she, too had a hard the past couple of months. We ended up talking about 'us' the whole night (and morning too). The journey back to Singapore was a surprisingly pleasant one. It was like those agonizing months didn't even exist. All was right in the world. In mine, at least.

What actually made her tell me how she feels, what actually happened, is another story altogether. Like I said, it was an eventful night.

Whenever we're apart, I find myself wanting to be with her more than ever, to hear her voice, to see her smile. And sometimes when we're together, it's as if all my worries and troubles are as far away as could be. I miss you, dear. Happy 2-months!!

Mark 4: 35-41

It has been awhile since I last felt like blogging, and honestly, my next post would've been in August had it not been for the events that transpired last Sunday. What happened on that fateful day was nothing short of a miracle.

For some foreknowledge, the Gospel last Sunday was taken from Mark. Jesus and gang were on a boat and they were hit by a storm. Jesus commanded the wind, "Be quiet!" and the waves, "Be still!". The wind died down and there was a great calm. This left the apostles wondering, "Who is this man? Even the wind and the waves obey him!".

Anyway, back to my story. I was driving along in Durian Tunggal (it's somewhere in the outskirts of Melaka, full of winding roads, plantations, hills, typical kampung scene). To be honest, I wasn't exactly going 'slow'. There in front of me was a tight cornering and being the reckless fool that I was, I tried to negotiate the corner at some 'marvelous' speed. Little did I know that the tiny stones by the side of the road was all it took to send the car spinning out of control.

There are no words to describe what I've been through. It all happened so fast, I only remember turning the steering wheel right then left as the car spun furiously around until it finally crashed into the side of a hill, and by furiously i mean 360 degrees.

A billion things could have been different that day. Had there been an oncoming car, had my car crashed on the onter side of the road (the road had a hill on one side, and a deep ravine on the other), had I drove a higher car (I was driving a Wira, one of the lowest cars out there), had it been raining, there wouldn't be any more updates on this blog - ever.

However, despite the gravity of the incident, we all escaped unhurt and the only damage done was a broken headlamp and a slightly shifted bumper. The amazing thing was, earlier this year, back when I was still in Singapore, a close friend of mine actually dreamt of this. Of course, back then I felt it ridiculous and quickly forgot about it. Only minutes ago did it crop back into my head. Overwhelmed, I am compelled, neigh, I owe it to Him to tell this story; this story of how God saves a reckless fool so that you, too, may believe.

Who is this man? Even the winds and the waves obey Him!

What Is Your Purpose in Life?

Ever wondered why are you here? As in why are we on this planet called Earth? What is our purpose? Why do we do the things we do? Are we so caught up in our daily hussle we forget the BIG picture?

I myself do not have the answers to these questions, but it helps to think where are we headed and what are the important things in life. 

For God So Loved The World

Ever wondered what it means to be Christian, a follower of Christ, a people of God? I'm no preacher of any sort, neither am I any holier than you. I write this to share how, I believe, we as Christians should be.

A lot of us tend to drift away from God in the midsts of their studies, stress at work, deadlines to meet, or even when we get too carried away in church activities that we forget the real reason we're doing it in the first place.

My answer is that we need to place God first in all we do. In studying, I put all my trust in Him. I'm studying not for myself, but to glorify Him. "HOW?", you might ask. I don't know. If He gives me a gift, it is my duty to nurture it, to multiply the talents, and perhaps someday, help others with what we have. I believe that all that has already been planned out by the master planner Himself.

For working people; well, you just have to search deep down why are you doing what you do. Is if for money? Fame? Power? I know most of us will have to work for money sometime in our lives. However, we can also use whatever we have, including money, to help others, especially in this season of Lent. We are, afterall, one people of God.

Another thing you might want to think about is this: We tell ourselves that we are doing things for God, but what are we really after? I used to believe that we must do good to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. True, but should we do good only for this "reward"? Is Christ's death on the cross not enough? Is the love of God, so great, that he sent his ONLY son to save us not enough? I had a sudden chill when I realized this.

So back to the original question: What it means to be a Christian. To me, it's doing everything out of love for Him. To love the ones he loves - us. To dislike the things he dislikes - sin. To never again want to hurt him by giving in to temptation. I'm still struggling with this, and I know a lot of us are. It's not easy to carry the cross. Embrace it...

Yet Another Death

Firstly, I have to create an excuse for not blogging since Christmas. Well, what can I say? Laziness kinda kicked in for a bit, not only for blogging, but also with studies. Until fairly recently, my mind has been to every corner of the universe - all but where it should be. The first half of my semester flew by without me completing a single tutorial, assignment nor blog. I'm not proud of my unproductiveness. On the contrary, I now know how empty our petty lives can be without passion, without drive, without aim. 

Coming back from my mid-sem break, I resolved never again to slip to such lows. Thankfully, it's now the season of Lent (a season of repentance and fasting for Catholics), which adds to my drive to change - not for myself, but for Him. He gave us gifts not for us to waste by doing nothing, but to nurture them, improve on them, and use them to help others. Who are we to misuse those sacred gifts?

Repentance - only when a seed dies shall it emerge a tree, full of life. Only by dying to my laziness and contempt can I emerge a better person, using God's gift to its full potential. WE can do all things through God who strengthens us, and it is for Him that we do these things in the first place.

So, let this season be meaningful for you as well, as WE overcome temptations such as games, laptop, facebook, and whatever it is that is taking up so much of your precious time. It is not an easy task, but together, we CAN do it, for the GLORY of God.

On a completely unrelated note, there has been two different deaths in NTU in the past week - the 1st week after our mid-sem break. Both suicidal, both from the School of EEE. My condolences to those affected. 

A note of advice to students and working adults - DON'T TRY THIS ANYWHERE. If you are under a lot of pressure, remember you are not alone. Feel free to talk to friends or leave a message here :)

To parents and future parents, do not expect so much out of your children. If they are not cut out for it, they won't make it no matter how hard you push. Let them do what they like instead. Nobody is perfect.