Back to Singapore

It's been awhile since I last mustered the strength (or rather discipline :P) to blog. 5 weeks into the new academic year, life is as stressful and hectic as always. Unfinished tutorials, due projects, lectures skipped, and what not. Alas, lifestyles of the slack and lazy. Nonetheless, my world has changed since I last blogged.

As many of you now know, I've finally set foot into the world of companionship and togetherness, although togetherness isn't exactly what we're experiencing at the moment. I'll come to that shortly :)

Towards the end of the previous academic year, I found myself growing very fond of this particular girl back home. I never knew I could connect with somebody so well and often, we found ourselves chatting into the wee hours of the morning. There were days when all I could look forward to was to chat with her. Then it suddenly dawned on me. Why am I longing so much for her? Is this what I think it is? Had I fallen for her? Goodness knows.

When I went back for the holidays, I decided to tell her how I felt. It took every single ounce of courage I had. A million questions raced through my head. How will she reply? Does she feel the same way? What would be of our friendship? What if she said no? How could I face her then? If she were to say yes, it'll be a long distance relationship. What then? I had no answer for all those questions, but one thing was for sure; I needed to tell her how I felt.

The answer she gave (or lack of one) sent me into panic mode. I didn't know how to react. "She's gonna say no, dude", I thought. In an effort to salvage what was now an awkward relationship, I told her to brush it off, saying it was nothing but a 'spur of the moment'. I didn't know what else to do.

The months that followed were truly the hardest I had to endure. Being around her all the time in church, around other friends, and we even had to organize a camp together. It was both joy and pain with a pinch of awkwardness. I found joy in being close to her and also pain in suppressing my feelings. "We're just friends" became some sort of a daily mantra I had to recite to myself.

To be honest, I was actually looking forward to coming back after the holidays, or rather, looking forward to getting away. I've had enough, enough of pretending not to like her, enough of being close to her, but not having her, enough. It all had to end. I figured that a new academic year is what I needed to get over her, to start afresh, to finally be sane again.

The night before I left was probably the most eventful and the highlight of my entire vacation. The girl I went head over heels for finally told me how she felt, how she, too had a hard the past couple of months. We ended up talking about 'us' the whole night (and morning too). The journey back to Singapore was a surprisingly pleasant one. It was like those agonizing months didn't even exist. All was right in the world. In mine, at least.

What actually made her tell me how she feels, what actually happened, is another story altogether. Like I said, it was an eventful night.

Whenever we're apart, I find myself wanting to be with her more than ever, to hear her voice, to see her smile. And sometimes when we're together, it's as if all my worries and troubles are as far away as could be. I miss you, dear. Happy 2-months!!